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Well we are getting back into that time of the year again. Along with the holidays comes finals and all the work along with them. Here in Prague I have two papers due to turn in, along with at least 4 tests to study for. Things are a little different here in Europe. You take you finals before the last day of classes. That way you get them back and your teacher writes it into your grade book. It's not all that strange of a concept.
I've been working on a rather un-inspired piece only to lose it to a computer glitch. Which makes my work a little more difficult on top of that obvious. Testing hasn't been any easier either here, and to the general stress level is up.
This morning as I was waking up, it being Sunday I slept in and woke up on my own terms. I couldn't help but think that I might still be wasting time here. I feel that the travel is invaluable to my personal character, and growth, but still wasting my time. I could be at a job by now, earning an income. I could be doing more, I guess is what I was thinking.
I came to Europe to experience another way of living and I'm doing that, only it seems like it has been a shirking of responsibility at home too.
I'm not exactly how I'm going to apply all of this when I get back. I will most likely still choose the lesser of the evils and settle with the best I can get. Even if I was in the Arctic now rather than here I would be earning an income, earning my keep. Rather than waiting to return to my debts, and out of cash for this experience, but then again nothing comes for free.
I never thought I'd want the 9-5 routine, but I really miss not even having my few hours a week as a guard. At least that was something, here I am simply a student.
I write and generate page after page of these words for what? I'm really not sure, even if I had nobody at home reading them I'm sure that I would still be writing it all down. I don't know that I'm happy recording all of my experiences and thoughts either, but still seem driven to do it.
My first thoughts upon returning to Sofia was that I wished I have more time to record this place. It felt like a good story there. Here in Prague life's still a good story, but it's more like Istanbul in that it's been done, done before. Elmira generated more entertaining stories than Prague has so far for me. Again a lot has to do with my surroundings, my friends, and all of that. I've only known Prague for about 3 months. Elmira I could say I've know most of my life, although only really in the last few years.
No I'm not sure the reason for the melancholia this evening. Perhaps the burden of the next few weeks, the burden of my return to the USA. All leading to a terrifically good time, but still a lot of unexpected weight. It was only yesterday that I was starting this deal out and sitting in New Jersey with Gary. He was asking me what I was going to do with all of this, and I thought I new. But anymore I'm very unsure. I guess I'll have to deal with that when I get there.
The prospect of returning and performing in some menial yet paying job isn't the scariest of ideas. However if this extracurricular education isn't applied in a more direct manner than improving upon my humanity, it's going to feel some what wasted. Work on the Arctic base has crept into my mind more. I really don't want to go away and leave all of you again any time soon. But at least I could be working and in a capacity that should fully challenge me, even to life and death.
Maybe people are right,
maybe I think to much for my own good.
But I didn't make me,
so I'm afraid you can't blame me,
but only shake your heads,
give me a hug,
and keep on sending me back in,
for the next round.